The Importance of Focus when the Storms Hit

Ok so this is something that I guess I know but it has taken another round of storms to really seal it in my mind (and who knows if it will stay this time)!

The last couple of days I have been that ship on the ocean again being battered by the storms, no steering, no destination just that idea of being out at sea and hoping for the best…not even enough time to batten down the hatches!

A vague analogy I know but it is so utterly true and it took me really listening to a few people who I trust and respect to remind me that focus and a plan is so important if we want to be able to weather the storms in our lives.

I am the first person to have a million and one grand plans…I am often a starter non-finisher (I’m sure some of you can relate!) and what I do is scatter my energy very thinly across a wide range of grand plans with no real fixed focus.

Then when a storm hits (this one was a relationship based one) I felt like I had been hit by the gib and lost my steering and with no destination or map of where I was going I didn’t know where to restart from.  So to compensate, rather than get my eye back in I tried to control external factors I.e. other people (which we all know is never going to work)!!!

The problem is…now that the storm has passed and I am only getting rained on lightly (with the odd heavy bout of torrential stuff - not sure if I’m referring to the weather or my tears) I can see where I was going wrong but at the time for a day or two there I honestly thought I had lost my mind.  I was properly concerned for my mental health.  I couldn’t find direction internally.  It was like my rational brain had jumped ship and left me with the monkey who was crazily hopping around in my head driving me more and more into a frenzy.  I cried a lot.

I reached out as much as I could to “safe” people.  Those that I know I can trust who will go easy on me and not tell me to pull it together/get over it etc.  If it was that easy I promise you I would.

Today I feel far more calm.  I have reassessed where I am at.  Reminded myself what I am working on and where my focus lies.  

Without a focus and purpose it is so easy to get battered by the storms when they hit and I mean properly battered.  At least when I went through my divorce I had a sole purpose and that was to get a roof over mine and the children heads.  It kept me on track. No matter what happened I immediately redirected back to that goal.  It was a non-negotiable and even though everyone around me told me it was impossible I put my blinkers on and I fought for it.  I made it happen because I had utter faith in myself.  There was no other choice.

These days as an independent parent (given up the use of single mum…it makes me feel like a victim which I’m not) storms do hit, fairly often it seems and for the sake of the children I must manage them better and the one way of doing this is to focus focus focus and never take my eye off of that focus.  I have a whole weekend ahead of me without my girls and instead of dreading it and focusing on how awful it is going to be on my own and what I don’t have I am focussing on getting as much as I can done to my business, my blog and my home.  I have dreams of relaxing in the sunshine in my beautiful garden in the summer and at the moment it is far from beautiful.  The grass is overgrown, there are leaves and weeds everywhere and it is a mess.

Instead of moaning about what a shit state it is in; I am going to draft in some help to get it sorted out. Simple. Instead of procrastinating about how lonely I am I’m going to ask for help & reach out to people.

Knowing that we have a focus and a purpose and cutting out the stuff that doesn’t fit with this makes a big difference to the quality of our lives.  The more single minded we are; the more likely we are to achieve our goals.  The problem for me has always been to question what is that single minded goal? And without motivation or a boss pushing me towards it I find it very easy to give up.

But this lesson has taught me that yeah it’s ok to give up on your goals and lose your focus every now and again. But when you let it go completely and start focusing on others you lose yourself and then when the shit hits the fan; you don’t know what to do.

I have neglected my blog which I write to share my experiences and hopefully help others to find their way because I just couldn’t be bothered.  What a bad attitude.  But I am back because I realise now that it’s not only important to share it to help others but it creates purpose for me and I need that purpose.  It keeps me sailing in the right direction and enjoying the sunrises and sunsets along the way.

Sarah MillerComment