The Only Way is Rosé
So I shall begin at my new beginning, which is now, no looking back. I am a single mum to two incredible little girls aged 4 and 7. They are amazing. They have dealt with a divorce and settled into living new lives where they spend just over half of their time with me and the rest with their dad and his new partner. They are both happy and full of life and fun and laughter. I am the one that has struggled the most even though it was my choice to leave and now I am facing some hard truths about the HAPPINESS that has eluded me for a while now.
I heave learnt so much in the last two years of readjustment, every aspect of my life has changed. I have relocated from Essex and back to a small village in Surrey where I grew up so my parents can help me out a bit. Leaving behind friends and familiarity and trying to establish myself with a new social life whilst taking on the responsibility of a home with a mortgage to pay which involved getting back to work after 5 years out of the game.
All was going well, I had a real zest for life but then something changed…the mundane got on top of me, everything became a strain, my back started to hurt, I started to complain to people how hard it all was and my life began to snowball into a pit of despair where I felt that I was on a hamster wheel and no part of my life was functioning well, even a glass of rosé didn’t perk me up it just got me further down….and that’s when I knew things were bad and something had to change!
I had felt the rollercoaster effect before but this was different, I was properly down and the more I looked at which aspects of my life were causing me problems the worse things became and the more my health suffered.
In true Bridget Jones style I have read self help book after self help book. I have tried exercise, eating well and holistic approaches to steer myself away from anti-depressants because I knew that there was a glimmer of hope in there, of the old me, I just had to find it somehow and that is what has led me here.
To me a glass of rosé signifies a happy place…not simply the alcohol (although I do like a social bevvy or two) but the vision that it creates for me. Summer days sipping a cool glass of perfectly pink rosé, watching the sun set on a glistening blue sea having spent the day with my gorgeous little girls and my family. Salt in my hair, sand on my tanned feet and not a care in the world and that’s my happy.
The problem is, how do I create this feeling in my everyday life? I can’t constantly be on holiday…can I?! How do I find the elusive feeling of HAPPINESS whilst I am chasing my tail and panicking about what needs to get done next and how late I’m going to be for school drop off and thinking how will I get my work done that day and what if I lose my job and can’t pay the bills and what if one of the children gets sick and how will I ever look nice again when I don’t have time to shower and panic, panic, blow everything out of proportion go into survival mode, don’t listen to anyone’s advice becuase how could they possibly know how hard it is for me etc etc…and breathe!
I would like to think that I am special and I am the only one that feels this way becuase I am the only one who is in this crappy situation and no one who had to deal with this would cope and what I have realised is that it isn’t just me! There are a lot of people, particularly with young kids, who find it hard to find happiness in their everyday chaotic lives and then everything becomes a strain and they become unhappy and then relationships start to suffer and they are no longer fulfilled.
We all have different drains on our energy but I have discovered the secret and that is that ‘The Only Way is Rosé’ metaphorically speaking. The only way forward is to choose my vision of happy and keep that with me in everything that I do. I have to believe that I can sustain that vision of happiness through every aspect of my life and focus on the positive and give the negative as little airtime as possible. Happiness isn’t there to be found, I must create it by painting a happy, positive vision of my life and believing fully that I can live that life without any doubt.
I don’t know about you but I want to live the dream! We are all made equal and we are all entitled to living our best lives. Don't let overwhelm and self doubt rob you of your dreams. I am learning to find my way round obstacles by slowing down, being grateful for everything that I have and most of all by taking SMALL STEPS.
The greatest lesson that I have learnt throughout this journey so far is that if you don't focus on what makes you happy then you are getting things really wrong. Being able to share my story with others and hopefully inspire you to make changes (the smaller the better!) makes it worthwhile. I have learnt SO MUCH! I just want to be able to share all of that knowledge so that I can make other peoples lives a better place and keep them away from the darkness I have experienced and the prison that I felt that I was in.
It's time to start living again x
January 1, 2018