Mid-Life crisis...or am I just waking up to what's important?

So, I am a forty-something mum of two little girls and admittedly I have been through a pretty tough divorce and overhaul of my entire life in the last three years but what I wasn't prepared for was the awakening to the fact that I want more from life.

I am a notorious over-thinker to start with but I have a huge capacity for not dealing with the BIG stuff and just going down a rabbit hole over insignificant stuff.  But this is different, this feeling I can't shake and even though I have got my life back to some semblance of normality, I just feel like there must be something more.  Something that I am missing.  Are we really just here to work, pay bills and die?

I was left after the divorce in a bit of a dire financial situation and having not worked for 6 years I had to look at finding ways back into the working world that worked around my children.  It all seemed so simple but the thought of going back to a job where I just go through the motions and then come home to my girls seemed so mundane.  Perhaps I am looking for God? Perhaps I need more spirituality? Perhaps I just need to be more grateful?  I just don't know.  All I do know is that I need purpose and just being a mum and bringing in the bacon isn't purposeful enough for me.

The stresses and strains of life as a Gen X woman seem to weigh so heavily on me.  I don't want to go and buy a sports car and find a younger man (although I'm not far off of that!). I want to find my purpose in life.  I want to believe that there is more to it.  I want to find out soon because at the moment I feel like life is passing me by whilst I race on a hamster wheel, spinning plates to keep up with it.

I also don't think that it's just me.  So many friends that I speak to seem to be going through the same experience. I am so grateful to be a woman in this generation where the world is pretty much our oyster but with that comes a pressure to be everything to everyone.  As a single mum I do have to be everything to everyone and in a way I wish that I could go back to a simple life with defined roles...man: hunter gatherer; woman: homemaker.  At least that way our jobs were less complicated and our roles were dictated.  I am sure that there are feminists out there screaming right now and preparing an onslaught of insults that I could even consider it. But in reality I wouldn't be happy as a homemaker unless that was my 'thing' which for many it is so please don't take that the wrong way.

I am trying a new experiment which I have entitled "styling my best life".  I decide how I want to live my life, who I want to be and how to live intentionally with purpose and keep my fingers crossed that I will be able to pay the bills.  If it works then I will literally be living the dream.  I am giving myself 6 months to achieve it.  6 months to see if I can make my life work again and feel joyful and fulfilled in the everyday.  I can't even begin to think about failure.  I have to believe that it will work.

I would really value your feedback if you have experienced anything along these lines! I know that Oprah has so I think that I am relatively normal!

Wishing you a happy and fulfilled life wherever you are.

Sarah x

 

 

Sarah Miller